10 Things I wish Civilians knew about our Military Life

10/7/2015

Having grown up in the military, it wasn't until college when I realized not everyone understood this strange life we live. As far as my friends were concerned, being in the military equated to moving a lot, and that is often where the conversation ended. In hopes of clarifying some misconceptions and also filling you in on some of our quirks and needs, I hope my civilian friends will gain a clearer glimpse into our lives! So here goes...10 Things I wish Civilians knew about our Military Life.

We have very little control over where we move. About three years into Military life, I had a friend ask innocently, “Can’t you just ask Daniel’s boss if you can stay in San Antonio since your family lives here?” I smiled cynically and shook my head. You see, we have this thing called a “dream sheet” where we list all of the places we would love to live, and it is just that, a dream. In reality, Uncle Sam says “Go!” and we say “Yes, sir.” Along those same lines, we often hear, "Where do you think you'll go next?!" This is the equivalent of asking "When do you think the world will end?" We honestly have NO IDEA. However, while we would love to live near family, we are incredibly grateful for the opportunity to live all over the world.
We can’t make plans. It’s not that we are flaky, it’s just that nothing is guaranteed for us. I know you want to plan a girls’ weekend eight months from now, but forgive me if I don’t buy my plane ticket immediately because our lives might be completely different then. We could be in the process of moving or our spouse could deploy during the one week you had planned for vacation. And trust me, we hate this part of it. I don’t know of a military spouse who hasn’t lost money on plane tickets or a vacation because Uncle Sam changed the plans. It’s not that we don’t love you, we are just saying “no” to protect ourselves from the heartbreak later.
Nothing is final until it’s happening. Sometimes we say things like, “We are moving to Florida!” or “My hubby is deploying in May”. At that moment in time, we 100% mean what we say. However, we also know that nothing is final until it’s F-I-N-A-L. Sometimes, in an attempt to feel like a normal human, with normal plans, and a normal life, we enjoy believing that there is some certainty in our day-to-day. However, please be gentle when dates are adjusted and locations change because, until the boxes are being packed or the hubby is getting on the plane, nothing is set in stone.
We need your babysitter’s number, so please share it. This one might seem silly, but is incredibly crucial. We don’t often have family close by and can always use the numbers of a few babysitters. I promise we won’t steal them from you, we just need a date night, ok? With that in mind, please don’t complain that your in-laws are coming over for dinner AGAIN. We can borrow them at any time because we would LOVE to have grandparents nearby.
We say weird things. We grocery shop at a commissary, our target is called a BX (or PX or NEX), we buy gas at the Shoppette and can purchase our favorite wine at the Class Six. We use TriCare for insurance and our husbands frequently go on TDY (work trips). Just like any subculture, we have our own acronyms and colloquialisms that define our culture. If you get lost in our jargon, please gently remind us that we need to step out of military lingo for a little while, because those military roots run deep.
We long for community, so please be our friend. I get it. You’re thinking, “What’s the point of being your friend if you’re just going to move in two years?” I hear you, and we feel the same way. We hate to leave people we love, but please still include us. We might come on a little strong at first but it’s because we have no time to waste and would love to be your friend immediately. I promise our crazy tendencies wear off in a few months, we are just fast movers.
We are not all created equal. Not every Soldier is on the front lines, not every Airman is a pilot and not every Sailor spends his days on a boat. The experience of every service member and his/her family varies greatly from one family to another. Some service members will serve for 20+ years and never deploy, while others will spend more than half of their careers separated from their loved ones. For a civilian example, imagine the medical field – every person has the same goal in mind “Take care of the patient” but each person in that field has an equally important but incredibly different role. The med tech in an immunizations clinic is vital to our country’s public health, and the pediatric neurosurgeon at the children’s hospital is critically important in the treatment of a child’s brain tumor. At first glance, you might think they are similar because “they both work in the hospital, and care for patients,” but upon further inspection you realize that their jobs are completely disparate except for that one piece of common ground “they work in the hospital caring for patients.” The same holds true in the military. The airplane mechanic on the Navy ship (yes, the Navy has pilots too!) and the Contracting Officer in the Air Force are both working hard to protect our country, but their jobs vary greatly. All roles are critically important for our military to function, but our military experiences are vastly different. So don’t throw everyone in the same big patriotic pile and make generalizations about their experiences because the differences are too many to count. And with that…
We are a microcosm of society – full of sinners and saints. While it is idyllic to envision that every man and woman in uniform is an upstanding, honorable citizen of our country, it is simply not the case. On the whole, we are no better (or worse) than the general population of America. We have heroes who save lives and members who break the law, just like our civilian counterparts. We know that there are millions of other people who serve this country well (firefighters, first responders, policemen, social workers, teachers) and we are just proud to be a piece of that puzzle. We are simply an organization made up of HUMANS in military uniforms.
Please don’t feel sorry for us. We hear this all the time, “You’re military? I’m so sorry,” or, “Your husband is deployed? I feel so bad for you.” This military life can be hard at times, but please know that we are immensely proud of our spouses. We don’t need pity because we are incredibly aware of what this military life requires. With that being said, feel free to watch our kids for a couple hours or invite us over for dinner when our spouse is gone, because we can always use a helping hand. And instead of throwing us a pity party, you can ask, “How’s your hubby doing?” or “Is there anything I can help you with?” These questions allow us to share our feelings without having to simultaneously defend our military life, because…
We love this life. We really do. After all, we chose it. For the majority of our spouses, joining the military was the preferred choice over a slew of other promising options. It wasn’t our fall back, it was our top pick. It doesn’t mean we love every day or every situation, but we have grown to love the military community we are a part of. It is not a journey we entered into lightly and we are grateful for the opportunities we have had because of our commitment to serve. It is not without sacrifice, but it is with great reward.

What did I miss? Military mamas, do you have nuggets of wisdom you want to share with the Civilian world? Or civilian friends, do you have things you've always wanted to know about our military life? Let's sit down over a pot of coffee and a respectful comment thread and chat it out.

51 Comments

Robin Small

10/7/2015 07:53:44 pm

You, are spot on, military wife or not. It takes work to keep any marriage going

McKinley

10/9/2015 03:23:28 pm

Thanks for reading, Robin!

Bill Schlicht

10/12/2015 05:49:05 am

Amen Robin, no truer words have been spoken.

Soldier for 25 years, married for 49.

Ann Simmons

10/13/2015 06:22:55 am

Husband was AF. for 22 years. Gone more than home. Retired in '77. Married going on 60 years. Three kids turned out great. Son AF for 28 years. Grandson AF for 7 so far. Granddaughter Marine for 3 with plans for college after tour. Daughter school teacher. Oldest daughter mentally challenged but had some good schools where we were stationed. Mamas have to be there for the kids when daddy is not around.

Samantha smith

10/16/2015 09:16:06 pm

I am praying for you all. My dad was in the Army an my husband was in the Airforce. I am thankful to each and every one of ya. God Bless ya. If in P.C.Fla. Drop by Highland Park Baptist Church, we would love to have ya worship with us.

10/18/2015 01:13:43 pm

Thanks for your words, Samantha, and for the sweet invitation to join you for worship! If I'm ever Panama City, I will definitely take you up on it :)

Britni

10/8/2015 03:24:44 pm

Thanks for sharing! I have zero experience in a military family, but the utmost respect for those who serve. I work with a ton of military now through my job, and love learning about the lifestyle. Your glimpse was informative and well-written. Keep it up, McKinley!!

10/9/2015 03:24:44 pm

Thanks for taking the time to read it, Britni, and for your kind words!

Lori

10/8/2015 04:35:35 pm

Military life seems similar yet different to our life in the blue line community (law enforcement) lots of worry, missed meals, birthdays, holidays, anniversaries etc. Because the badge is part of his oath to protect and serve without regard to self or family life. Botched plans and family vacations.. The worry that as the taillights of his patrol car fades out of sight that that could be the last time I see him...so you see we're really not that different and yet we are very different. But I do understand all that you are saying and it's great information for everyone.

10/9/2015 03:28:26 pm

Thank you so much for sharing your story, Lori. Just like I said in the post, it's important we recognize that we (the military) are just a small piece of the puzzle that keeps our country safe and functioning. I appreciate your family's sacrifice more than I can tell you, because I know it comes at a great cost as well. You're right, we are not all that different! Thanks for reading!

Teri B. link

10/8/2015 07:15:35 pm

Spot on! Loved your blog post and have shared it with my friends. My husband was excited to see the article and noticed that the F-86 on the right side of your family photo was placed there as a project he headed up when he was a Lieutenant! His dad flew them and came out when they unveiled the official static display! We actually retired from there 4 years ago and very much miss our military family. We wish you all the best in your journey! It's the best you could ever have! :)

10/9/2015 04:44:21 pm

Thank you for reading and sharing, Teri! It is such a small military world, and it's exciting to hear a little history about that static display :). That base has a lot of history, and it's always fun to learn new parts of it!

Audrie

10/9/2015 08:20:34 am

This was a good read. I came from a background with no military whatsoever. Then one day out of the blue, I decided to up and join! My friends hated it. They hated the fact that I had to "leave and never come back" (because that's how it is when you're 18 and fresh out of high school - you're still in la la land and all dreams come easy). I lost a lot of friends that I grew up with because they just didn't understand that I had no control over where I went. A few years later, while stationed in Baumholder, I met the soldier love of my life. It's been 6 years and still friends and family just don't understand. This is one of those things that you just won't understand unless you work with the military or are a member. But, like you said, we are patient with those that don't understand and we do our best to apologize for the heartache we are causing our loved ones since we can't be like "Everybody Loves Raymond". I love being a military spouse. It's very difficult and it's even more challenging when have you children. But, I feel more pride when my husband is in that uniform and I am walking hand in hand with him than I have ever felt! I would not change this life for anything.

I would like to mention one more thing though about this article and hopefully someone out there agrees with me. It really irritates us when we are trying to go buy a car or a house or are in line at the food store and someone desperately tries to relate to being in the military. Frequently they say things like "oh my grandfather was in the service" and my favorite "I had a neighbor once that was military". Really? That's nice and completely irrelevant. Please find something else to say like "thank you for your service" or "what do you do in the military?". It's a lot easier to make conversation that way!

10/9/2015 04:50:22 pm

Thanks for reading, Audrie and thank you for sharing your story! I'm sure that must have been difficult leaving your family when you initially joined, and it is often hard to explain all of the facets to the civilian world since our experiences are all so different.

I love your addition and totally agree. That's why I wanted to reiterate that every military family has different experiences, and so, like you said, it is irrelevant to make a comment like "My great-uncle was in the military." I find all too often that when people aren't sure what to say, they often say the wrong thing (I am so guilty of this), and so I like to give those people the benefit of the doubt because they are just unsure how to relate. But I like your suggestions for them on how to engage in a conversation! Thanks again for sharing!

Ann

8/3/2017 04:02:33 am

Do you have any suggestions for parents of first time military? I have a son in The Air Force that was my best friend and now I find myself going on months without hearing from him. It is impossible to get him on the phone and his response to my text messages is few and far between. He is anything but remorseful about my feelings and I fully understand he is busy however I worked long hours and attended college while I was a single mother of 3 children. Yes it was difficult but no matter how busy I was I was always there for my children. Thank you in advance for responding.
Ann

AirForcePride

10/9/2015 11:49:10 am

Yeah, you forgot about females who serve. I served for 20 years, did deployments, TDY, all while being a mother of four. Plus you didn't mention the dual military members where both serve. It's a terrible insult to females who serve.....

10/9/2015 05:02:35 pm

Hi AirForcePride,
Thank you for reading and for taking the time to respond. I apologize that my post came off as insensitive to you. I intentionally used gender neutral terms throughout the article (spouse, military member, his/her..) because I recognize that our military is a diverse group of individuals. The only time I used the word "husband" or "hubby" was when I was telling a specific example, like "my husband is deploying". Since I am a female and married to a military man, I was sharing thoughts that would come out of my mouth as the writer. I apologize if that made you think I wasn't recognizing the contributions of women in the military or dual military families.

All of that to say, I wrote #7 with your situation in mind when I said "our military experiences are vastly different. So don’t throw everyone in the same big patriotic pile and make generalizations about their experiences because the differences are too many to count." I know that every service member's experience is different and want our civilian friends to know that we are not simply clones in a uniform.

While I believe that my list applies to all military families, feel free to share any additions you would make to the list that are true about dual military families or families where the service member is a female. Since that is not my experience, I would have been disingenuous to project any of those thoughts onto my readers. Thanks again for engaging, and I apologize that my post seemed insensitive to you.

10/9/2015 06:21:40 pm

Thank you for your response. I understand that it's what you encounter.

LAURIE

10/10/2015 06:24:16 pm

I spent 23 years as a Military spouse in the United MarineCorps I think you hit it right on with everything you said thanks for putting this out there. Will done!

10/12/2015 12:20:14 am

Thanks for the kind words, Laurie, and most importantly, thanks for your family's service!

Mommy to Three Plus link

10/10/2015 09:19:03 pm

Thank you for sharing!! I especially appreciate number 10! You verbalized some of my feelings in a way I couldn't! We love this life, especially all the diverse people, and experiences we are blessed to encounter in this wonderful way of life!

10/12/2015 12:23:18 am

Thank you for reading, and it's nice to know there are other families who love this life too!

Melissa

10/11/2015 07:19:29 am

I've been married to my AF husband for 10 years. Every time he deploys or takes a remote assignment, I get "How do you do it?" Or "I could never do that." To which I always think to myself "I do it because I love my husband and yes, you could do it too."
Our Grandmothers (for the most part) and virtually all women before them, didn't choose military life, they were thrust into it. Their husbands shipped off for months, even years at a time, with no email, FaceTime or Skype and communications that were months apart. Their deployments weren't a set amount of time, they came home when the war ended. And their wives raised the kids alone, kept the household together and waited.
Women have been doing this since time immemorial. We're stronger than we give ourselves credit for.

10/12/2015 12:28:43 am

Thanks for reading, Melissa! I love your response - "I do it because I love my husband." It's so true!

And I completely agree about our grandparents' generation. My grandmother lost her father when she was 2, and her brother when she was 18 both from serving in the military. She then married a military man and spent 30+ years with him in the military. I am in awe of the resiliency that spouses had back then, and can't help but think we've gotten it a little easier. It doesn't mean our struggles aren't real and aren't felt, but it is always a sweet reminder to look to the past to see their examples of strength.

Gina

10/11/2015 07:53:07 am

Great article! The only thing I would add is that the military does not give us free food and housing. You would be surprised at the number of times I have had to explain to non-military that we pay rent and buy our own food just like everybody else.

I became a military spouse 37 years ago. I was one of the fortunate wives whose husbands were never deployed. What you said about the diverse experiences is so true. I feel like a fraud when people gush over how difficult my life must have been. No, really, our 20 years when he was active duty was great!

10/11/2015 08:33:20 am

When we say "Free" housing and food, it's because we given allowances, and also with our pay. So, in a way it is free. We receive base pay, then a housing allowance , based on your location and rank. You also receive food allowance, (which is only for the service member ( which is not for the dependents at all). Civilians, only get a salary, out of that you pay for food and housing. So,yes, military does receive free housing and food. Plus, when you live on base, you do not pay electric, water, garbage.

Amanda

10/20/2015 10:03:38 am

Ok. These items are not "free". Please educate yourself. A civilians salary is different based on years of experience and geographical area. A service members base pay is based on rank and years in service not geographical area. That is where the allowances come in. The allowances increase the base pay per geographical area to meet the median pay for civilians in the same geographical area. So sometimes the paycheck is higher sometimes it is lower. Living on post is sometimes the only way a service member can afford a roof over their head because the pay is so low. The base/post housing is not always available and it is not usually nice either. And YES utilities are paid now. The allowance covers a percent of utilities, so some months there is a bill and some months there is a discount depending on your usage. Due to budget cuts more families are getting bills than there are who do not.

10/12/2015 12:41:24 am

Thanks for reading, Gina, and thanks for your family's service!

The pay system for our military is always confusing to civilians, so that is definitely a great addition! I think the misconceptions arise because everyone views their money differently. If you're living in base housing and never see the allowance come into your paycheck, then it is easy for outsiders to think "they live for free". But yes, when living on the economy, we do pay rent/mortgages just like our civilian friends. I always like to think of these allowances as part of our "benefits" package that includes insurance, allowances, combat pay (when applicable). Our base pay is often lower than our civilian equivalents because we have the additional allowances.

The same types of scenarios happen frequently in the civilian world too. Think of a marketing consultant, for example. In addition to health insurance, the company often pays for their cell phone bill or their meals while traveling. It's not that they get these things for "free" per se, but rather an adjustment is made to their salary so that the company can cover these other expenses.

Thanks for bringing it up! We are definitely not "free loading", Uncle Sam just separates our money into different piles :)

10/11/2015 07:54:33 am

Drew

10/11/2015 08:57:30 am

I always wish I could tell my friends to not forget about us when we are gone. Just because we can't go to coffee anymore, I would still love to hear from you.

Secondly, just because we chose this life, we are human and can have disapoinent or sadness reguarding changes or lack of changes. We may be saying Yes sir on the outside, but crying on the inside. As a military spouse it can be extremely difficult to find our identity in a lifestyle that is 100% spouse centered. It would be wonderful to get a hug, be understanding. I know I'll come around & be the rock I have to be, but for a moment I would like to be human.

10/12/2015 12:49:22 am

Thanks for reading, Drew, and thanks for the addition! There is nothing sweeter than catching up with an old friend after you move. I think we have to take the lead with our civilian friends to maintain that relationship because it's not something they often have to deal with. We, on the other hand, are experts at long distance relationships and sometimes we just have to put our expertise into practice and hope that our friends will reciprocate.

All of that to say, that YES! We are totally human and we feel all of the same emotions as we face the challenges of military life. I hoped in writing this that our civilian friends would find ways to interact with us during hard times instead of avoiding the subject all together because sometimes we need to release our human emotions. And then, like you said, we can be the rock we have to be!

Thanks for engaging and sharing your story, I really appreciate it!

Tina

10/11/2015 11:07:03 am

Thank you for this, it s spot on. My husband has been in law enforcement for 20 years, but he was also military (Army Reserve) for 25+. He was mobilized twice after 9/11 and we have spent a fair amount of our marriage apart. I was also active duty as an officer in the Army Nurse Corp., so I understand better than most. Being in the military or being married to a service member is not for the weak or faint of heart.

10/12/2015 12:52:02 am

Thanks for reading, Tina, and thank YOU and your HUBBY for your service to both the military and law enforcement. That is an incredible life of service to spend 45+ years serving a community and our country!

Courtney

10/12/2015 05:19:12 am

Thank you. My husband just reached his 17 year mark in the AF and of all the things I've regarding military life this has to be one of the simplest to the point things ever. Thank you for that. It's all so true. I will be sharing!

10/13/2015 02:28:59 am

Thank you for reading and sharing, Courtney! And thanks for your family's service!

Karen

10/12/2015 03:42:43 pm

That was very good. Very well written and spot on...I have been a military dependent most of my life... My father was active duty, I was active duty and my husband was active duty....So I have seen all sides of it...Enjoyed it all. My children got to grow up seeing places like Spain, Japan, Poland,France, Germany, Italy and such. Some for duty stations and some for visits of one type or another. My children have grown up with tolerance and acceptance of others that you don't always find in civilian life(at least nowadays). They are very well rounded adults now and can handle most situations and changes as they come. Mostly because of the military style of life. I wouldnt have it any other way. We have seen parts of other countries that most people dream about, even if they visit there. As the military stationed there you develop friendships with the people in that country and get to see places that no tourist ever gets to. It is absolutely wonderful.
I wouldnt change anything about the time I have spent with the military in my life. Now that hubby is retired, I miss it sometimes. I miss the moving(yes I miss it) because it was a way to clean out my junk every 3 years. I have sooo much junk now gonna take me years to get it sorted out and gone...
I enjoyed how creative you have to be when your spouse comes home and says you have 20 to fix and eat dinner we have a ceremony to go to, or there is some activity at the school. You learn to fix a lot really quick..
I also enjoyed the TADs, It gave us time to be individuals without losing the couple in there. It gave us a chance to recharge and grow closer upon the return. A lot of people have a hard time dealing with it, but I loved it...Hubby wasn't always happy when he got home because I usually end up buying something that wasn't there when he left...lol..I have items in my house from all over the world, all the place we visited, or he visited through our journeys..It is absolutely terrific...
You learn how to pack three suitcases into one real easy because you can only take so much on a flight if you have to fly to your next station. I giggle when I see someone pack 2 suitcases for a weekend trip, because I used to get a month's worth of clothes for 4 into 2 suitcases.. There is so much to military life I would like to share, but alot of it is experience. You have to experience it to fully understand......I could go on forever, but I won't dinner is on the stove and I have to go. Thanks for posting this and letting us respond......Hope it helps clear the air....I always correct people, its one thing that really makes me mad when they misunderstand the military. tata for now...

10/13/2015 02:32:25 am

Thank you for reading, Karen, and thanks for all of the additions! It is so true that sometimes the difficult parts of our military life are also the parts that help us grow and become better versions of ourselves. Moving helps us reorganize, TDYs help us reconnect, the uncertainty makes us adaptable and resilient. I love your positive spin on all of the difficult parts of our life. Thanks for sharing!

Debbie

10/12/2015 07:07:51 pm

Thank you for so eloquently saying what needed to be said. I grew up in an air force family. We moved every single year. Mid year. I hated saying goodbye to my friends, but loved the world we got to see. We were incredibly blessed. I am married to a police officer. To this day, I make friends fast and furious. I am totally comfortable with new towns, going into new situations. I thrive on change. It's a gift that has done me well. I offer these things just because my mom always worried that we missed out on a normal childhood due to our nomad existence. But I am blessed beyond measure by the exposure to different cultures and lifestyle and standard of living. Thank you for your words! God bless.

10/13/2015 02:35:37 am

Thank you for reading, Debbie, and for your words of encouragement! Being a military brat comes with its challenges, but the life lessons that are learned along that journey will serve us (and our kids) well! It's difficult to know the impact that the transient lifestyle will have on our children, but it's always encouraging to hear stories like yours to give us positive hope for their future. Thanks for sharing!

Amy

10/14/2015 05:23:24 am

Great article! The only thing I'd add as an Air Force veteran (21 years) is that not everyone who serves or who has served is a soldier - only those that wete in the Army. The media is especially guilty of this. (For example, the recent event in France on the train; many reports listed A1C Stone as a "soldier." Nope! Airman!!) If they are in the Air Force, they are an Airman; Navy = Sailor; and Marines are always Marines. This isn't to say that an Airman being called a Soldier is an insult, it just generalizes everyone. Each Airman, Sailor, and Marine chose their branch of service and is proud to represent them. It would be nice to be acknowledged that way. (FYI - no idea what people in the Coast Guard call themselves!)

10/14/2015 11:15:39 pm

Thanks for reading, Amy, and thank you for your family's service! Thanks for the addition - it all fits in with #7 (We aren't all created equal) and I appreciate you clarifying the nomenclature for the different branches. And yes, if there is a Coast Guard member reading this, please tell us what you like to be called! I think I've heard "Coastie," maybe? But I'm not sure if that's slang. I always love learning new things about our military family :)

marti

10/14/2015 03:03:13 pm

Remember that many service men are actually women with husbands and children they have to leave behind while TDY or deployed. Include those families, please...

10/14/2015 11:23:19 pm

Hi Marti! Thank you for reading and for taking the time to respond. As I said in a previous comment up above, I apologize that you didn't feel like those families were included in this post. I intentionally used gender neutral terms throughout the article (spouse, military member, his/her..) because I recognize that our military is a diverse group of individuals. The only time I used the word "husband" or "hubby" was when I was telling a specific example, like "my husband is deploying". Since I am a female and married to a military man, I was sharing words that would come directly out of my mouth as the writer. I apologize if that made you think I wasn't recognizing the contributions of women in the military or dual military families.

All of that to say, I wrote #7 with that specific situation in mind when I said "our military experiences are vastly different. So don’t throw everyone in the same big patriotic pile and make generalizations about their experiences because the differences are too many to count." I know that every service member's experience is different and want our civilian friends to know that we are not simply clones in a uniform.

While I believe that my list applies to all military families, feel free to share any additions you would make to the list that are true about dual military families or families where the service member is a female. Since that is not my experience, I would have been disingenuous to project any of those thoughts onto my readers. Thanks again for engaging, and I apologize if my appreciation for ALL service members was not felt in this article because that was certainly not my intent.

Nan

10/16/2015 05:02:28 am

Great depiction of life in the military, as an AF brat, I would add I tended to pick up the accents of those around me, without even noticing it for years. I still struggle with telling people where I'm from- do you want to know where I was born, what state I lived in the longest, where my parents retired to?

10/18/2015 01:48:35 am

Thanks for reading, Nan! I love your point about the accents, I thought I was the only weird one who did that :) And I, too, still struggle with telling people where I'm from..I usually just say "All over!"

Deb

10/16/2015 06:55:34 pm

Thanks for sharing the good and bad---my husband is a retired Marine, and our youngest daughter was a SSgt. after six years in the Corps. Lots of sleepless nights for the deployments, and difficult to swallow comments from others such as "I just couldn't live like you, I would insist they get out and get a REAL JOB". We still wouldn't trade the experiences of living in so many places and seeing so much of the world (17 moves in 21 years), and count ourselves lucky.

10/18/2015 01:52:15 am

Thanks for sharing, Deb, and thank you for your family's service! It is so heart-wrenching when people encourage service members to "get a real job", we hear it a lot too. I hope our civilian friends will be enlightened to read that every military member CHOSE this job and is proud to serve. I appreciate your thoughts and comments!

Jonathan

10/17/2015 02:43:46 am

Nice article from the spouses view, military brats however are drafted, we don't "choose". However, we do get free housing and meals!

10/18/2015 02:00:28 am

Thanks for sharing, Johnathan, and great point about Military Brats! It is true that they are "drafted" and don't get a choice. But such is probably the case for any kid, right? I don't know of many children in civilian families who get to choose where they live or get to impact their parent's career decisions. But, I completely understand (since I was a military brat myself) that we ask a lot from our kiddos. The nomadic lifestyle and separation from a parent or two presents difficulties that our civilian counterparts do not face. Thanks for engaging, it is definitely great food for thought!

Rebeccah

10/18/2016 12:28:54 pm

Hey there, this hit it on the nail. We are all so unique in our experience. My husband commissioned in the army when he was 43 yrs old. We had been married 15 years. We chose this too! We have no children so the moving is uniquely difficult. We don't make friends through kids and school..we really have to make the effort. I love the community support. I went into a big box home improvement store during a move & deployment and broken foot....by the time I got to this store ( 3rd one) I was in tears and a bit ticked off...the customer service rep took me in her arms, gave me a big hug and walked me through the store getting the items I needed. When I left, a large group of employees were giving me hugs, taking stuff to my car and just givin the love. I try to be independent but there are just those days we need to feel the love. Thanks for your blog!

Kate

10/29/2016 12:40:42 pm

Thank you for sharing! It's very affirming to hear about other people's experiences in the military. I think you did an excellent job of considering all possible roles, which is difficult to do anyway. From the military spouse standpoint, our best assets and resources are each other. Before marrying into the Air Force, I had 0 experience with military life and there is no handbook! We usually have to learn things as we go, just like our schedules. Just one example is that I learned commissary etiquette by innocently attempting to roll out of there without any tip money :) Something else I wish my civilian family would understand is that I have a greater appreciation for any work in the civilian world. And as far as the endless roles military members play, we have such a high regard for every role in the military. My life and my children's' lives are centered around our service member, we've set important traditions, dreams, and opportunities aside because we believe in the mission of this large community so every single person in it is so valuable to us. What we'd like others to know, as you've said, McKinley, is that we wish we could convey how thankful we are and how highly regard you no matter your job and as husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, ETC., how much we appreciate the service of your family members supporting you and everyone in our village. This life has been God's way to build our hearts to love SO MANY people as He loves. I love the military life because it's about people who are for each other.